You have come to a website that has various bits of information and advice about weddings, love, relationships and marriage.
I have created it to provide a platform for an e-book I have written called “Ideas for modern weddings”. The book puts forward, and pushes for, a major change to the way that non-religious weddings are conducted. In fact it is probably the most radical change that has ever been suggested in relation to the way such weddings are conducted.
Essentially I suggest that the story of those getting married should be told as a lead in to the wedding. Doing that provides the context to the wedding, and makes each wedding truly unique, as every story is unique. Doing that also provides an opportunity to have a bit of fun, as not everything in a story has to be deadly serious, and there is also the opportunity to intersperse the story with interesting bits and pieces - readings, photos, what-have-you. There is also the opportunity for those about to be wed to declare their love for each other in their own words.
My suggestion is based on what happened at a recent wedding - my own second wedding, as it so happens. The transcript of our lead-in ceremony is on this website (Transcript)
I am hoping that it will be of interest to most of you – parts of it were intended to be amusing, and parts of the story that it tells are reasonably interesting (in my, admittedly biased, opinion). However, I am not expecting that my book will be of interest to most of the people who visit this website, as I know that it can take time before revolutionary ideas become part of the mainstream.
In writing my book I occasionally came across topics that were interesting, but that were not strictly relevant to the book. The bulk of this website consists of my musings on those topics (they're listed below), and it is those that I hope you might find of interest or use.
All of that is free. The book, unfortunately, is not. It will set you back A$14.95 (about US$10.50).
Who am I, and why might anything I say be worth reading ?
First, as mentioned above, I am someone who married not all that long ago for the second time. If you have a spare 10 or so minutes, the fastest way to get some idea of who I am is to read that transcript. Hopefully after you have read that you might like to read other stuff that I have written on this site.
Second, I am someone who has been around for a while, who knows lots of people and what has happened to them, and who has read a lot about all sorts of things. Hopefully in doing all of that I have picked up enough knowledge, experience and wisdom to make my views at least something that is worth considering on any particular topic. Unfortunately there’s only one way to test that statement. Please be my guest.
Can I just emphasise, in case you might have missed it, that I profess no expertise other than what I have just mentioned. None. Although I have some formal qualifications, none of them (with one small exception) are relevant to anything on this website. Anything I say on this website is purely intended to give my amateur point of view on whatever the topic is.
But it is your point of view that counts.
And, in the interests of full disclosure, although it is mentioned in my wedding transcript, I note that no one has ever accused me of being a romantic. I have also managed to avoid being a parent. So on this website you will find my non-professional non-romantic non-parent views on love, marriage, relationships, having children and related topics. How can you resist ?
And, of course, the beauty of me providing advice on this website is that you can freely criticise or ignore it, as you choose. Although I call a lot of what I provide on this website “advice”, really it is no more than me providing ideas for your consideration. My hope is that every once in a while someone will find something in what I have written that will help them in some way, however small or indirect. It might even help you avoid staying with someone who is essentially bad news for you, or alternatively, helping you to decide to stay with someone who will be good news for you. There's even a vague chance that it might help you get on with your children a bit better.
I should also warn you that taken as a whole, the advice on this website can easily come across as some sort of chronicles of the counsels of perfection. To the extent that it does, you will be very much inclined to do ignore them in their entirety. That is quite understandable, so my tendency would be to suggest that you just dabble in the bits of the website that might be of the most immediate interest to you.
And please don’t think that the book is like the website. Sure, the writing style is the same, but the book has a very narrow focus and is much more matter of fact. That’s why almost all the warm and fuzzy stuff ended up on this website.
So, having got all of that out of the way, what will you find on this website ?
In a nutshell:
This website owes its existence to the fact that I am trying to sell an amazingly brilliant book. Well, perhaps that might be somewhat overstating things, but it’s a book that I am hoping that anyone contemplating a non-religious wedding (and even those contemplating a religious wedding) might find worth having a quick look at. Therefore, I thought I should tell those who might be interested a bit more about the book, hence, the ad.
By the way, the book might also be of interest to the following:
- those who are going to publicly celebrate a wedding anniversary
- those who have been married for a while, and whose marriage might need a bit of a pep up
- those who would like to try to gauge their feelings towards their partner.
There are parts of the book that may be of help to anyone on this list, even though providing that help was not the original purpose of those parts. The ad tells you more about this: about the book
Essentially this is the story of how my wife and I got together (the power of cake, and how to organise a first date in 23 emails (if you think I’m kidding, think again)), plus a quick overview of the backstory of our lives (east meets west in the land of kangaroos). We didn’t record it, so this transcript is all we have to show for it.
This is the very longwinded story of why and how I created “the transcript”, and then ultimately my e-book, and then this site (2 weddings, a chance find in an op-shop and a non-romantic takes on Shakespeare head on).
Hook up or not ? If I do, marry or live in a de facto relationship ?
Sometimes it’s difficult to know. If that’s your situation, here are some ideas to help you to try to answer this question.
Is love relevant to marriage ?
You might be surprised at my views on this: it’s nice for those about to marry to be in love, but it’s not necessary for, nor is it enough to ensure, a happy marriage.
Can I be in love with more than one person at the same time ?
In my view: yes. (But, for most of us, you can only be married to one person at a time.)
Am I marrying the right person ?
A pretty big question. A pretty big answer. In a nutshell, if you are contemplating marrying someone who you like, respect and are compatible with (both generally and sexually), go for it, unless, of course, there's a deal-breaker. Pretty simple, really, so why have I written a mini-book on this topic ?
Resolving partnership conflicts
Conflict. It’s almost inevitable. It’s not necessarily unhealthy. But it can be. Find ideas on how to minimise its chances of arising, and of how to deal with it in a way that will keep your relationship healthy. (Walk, talk, and talk some more.)
What should I give as a wedding present ?
A perennial question. A practical answer.
The ins and outs of pre-nuptial agreements
A look at the non-legal aspects of pre-nups.
A non-parent sticks his neck out. A long way !
As time goes on I hope to add further bits to this site.